Teaching the Three Truths of Coaching
When we talk about coaching, we talk a lot about skills and tools. And yet, coaching is not simply about tools and skills; it’s a mindset and set of beliefs as well.
To be a great coach, it’s vital that you explore, practice and embrace the Coaching Mindset. Popularised by the Growth Mindset, a mindset is a set of assumptions, methods, or notions held a person or group of people. For us, the Coaching Mindset is a set of three truths that a coach takes into every coaching conversation. It is how we show up with intention and purpose.
Three truths make up the Coaching Mindset
The role of the coach is to ask, not tell.
The coachee has all the answers.
The coachee is capable and whole.
The first time we taught the Three Truths of Coaching to a group of educators, we got a lot of pushback. People were especially quick to disagree with the idea that the coachee is capable and whole. And we get it; as a concept, it can be hard to swallow. In life, we aren’t often asked to see everyone in the world as capable and whole, but in coaching, it’s necessary. For some, this necessity requires a paradigm shift and asks them to rethink how they view, approach and support others.
There have been moments when we considered changing this third truth—it not’s easy to shift paradigms— but we stuck to our guns. Instead of changing the truth, we changed how we describe it.
Whether you are facilitating Graydin’s coaching courses, sharing the Three Truths with your coachee, or simply curious to know what we mean by capable and whole, we’ve outlined how we respond when these words don’t resonate.
WHEN THE WORD CAPABLE IS CHALLENGING
Sometimes, we’ll hear something along the lines of, ‘A ten-year-old isn’t capable of doing everything. They’re ten!’ Here, a person is struggling with the word capable because they understand it as a meaning ‘able to do everything'.’ But in coaching, we think of this word a little differently.
In coaching, capable does not mean ‘able to do everything right now’. Instead, capable means able, whether it is now or 30 years from now. Sometimes, an easier way of explaining this is by saying, ‘In coaching, we believe that the coachee is capable of being capable.’
If you are encountering this challenge, consider sharing an example of something you’re capable of, but not yet able to do. For example, maybe you’re capable of sailing a boat in the future, but if you went out to sea today, you’d capsize.
Another way of clarifying this truth is by explaining that capable does not mean the coach must believe that every single goal the coachee wants to achieve will be achieved. For example, if a student wants to be a pilot but has a deteriorating eye condition that limits their vision, believing the student is capable does not mean the coach believes the student will miraculously overcome their poor eyesight and become a pilot. Instead, a coach who sees their coachee as capable believes they are able to choose their future, make decisions based on what is and is not possible given their eyesight, find another passion if necessary and ultimately lead a fulfilling life.
WHEN THE WORD WHOLE IS CHALLENGING
In addition to the confusion the word capable creates in others, the word whole can be similarly challenging. It is most commonly misunderstood to mean that a coach must perceived their coachee as being ‘perfect’, with no room for growth or development. This is not true.
Rather, whole does not mean ‘well,’ nor does it mean ‘perfect’. Whole means ‘not broken’.
If you are encountering this challenge, you could draw a horizontal line across a whiteboard. At one end of the line, you write the word ‘okay’, and at the other end, you write the words ‘not okay’. In society, we often consider people to be at one of two ends on this spectrum. Either a person is ‘okay’ and is in need of little to no support, or a person is ‘not okay’ and is in need of professional interventions.
In reality, we know this is not the case. Most people don’t live at the ends of the spectrum, but somewhere in between—the grey area. Some days are good, other days challenging. Moments of joy are followed by moments of anxiety and fear. Luckily, coaching is best suited to help people along this spectrum. It provides the opportunity for the coachee to articulate what’s going, never assuming that coachee is perfect, nor that they are broken. Instead, the coach always believes they are whole.
In many instances, this simple yet profound belief helps the coachee find their own resolution. In other instances, it can help bring to the surface an issue which warrants another form of help, like professional expertise.
THE COACHEE IS CAPABLE AND WHOLE
The beauty of the third truth is that it underpins both the second and the first truth. If a coach perceives a coachee as being capable and whole, they will naturally believe the coachee has the answers (the second truth) and therefore, they will simply ask, not tell (the first truth).
At the heart of coaching is your belief in your coachee, that they capable of defining and achieving their own goals and dreams. When you bring this belief to your conversations, you become a beacon—shining light on your coachee’s inherent wisdom.