How to Have More Coaching Conversations
Establishing a coaching culture across a school can seem daunting at times. Yet, at its core, a coaching culture is a collection of people having coach-like conversations.
Dashing from one lesson, meeting or task to another, we often spend more time thinking about our to do list and little time thinking about conversations. Teachers are expected to do so many things and as a result, it can be really challenging to focus on the small things—like the brief conversations we have with those around us.
However, when the opportunity of these seemingly insignificant conversations are considered, what seems small ends up bigger than we think. With students, for example, a teacher who takes an extra moment to listen and build trust can potentially instil that student with confidence and inspire them towards action.
It starts with a conversation.
We recently spoke with one of our Coaching Course Alumni, Richard Hegarty at Uppingham School, who perfectly summed up how powerful opting for a coaching approach can be with students.
“I’m using coaching formally and informally. Quite a lot of the time I will be just having a conversation with students and being coach-like. I’ve stopped having punishments in the house, so I started to ask more coaching questions, rather than saying, ‘Why did you do that? This is the punishment.’
Recently I had a student who was finding it hard to concentrate. We didn’t begin the conversation in a coaching way but it went in that direction and it was just wonderful to see him explore—not the problem—but he examined times when he’d been at his best—when he’d been capable and powerful. That was really affirming for him. There was a moment where he really got it.”
Here are a few simple steps to bring a coaching approach into informal conversations
Define the End
Be clear about what you want the outcome of your conversation to be. It’s easy to get distracted. Try starting the conversation off by asking the other person what they want the outcome to be, so that it’s clear to both parties. “What would you like to get out of our conversation…?”
Stay focused and present
Having clarity regarding the outcome is just the beginning. In order to have a truly effective conversation, you also need to focus on that outcome. Avoid getting distracted by a discussion focused on the past, what is not working or by blaming the situation or others. Focus on the conversation and the desired outcome.
Listen Carefully
It seems obvious, but listening with all your senses is a skill that many people have underdeveloped. Your ability to listen to what the other person is saying and not saying, with all parts of themselves, is the kind of listening that can turn a seemingly insignificant conversation into a meaningful and memorable one.
Here’s Richard again, speaking to the impact that listening can have on a student.
“Just giving students that space to genuinely listen is really beneficial for them. And it’s hard for me as a teacher, because teachers just love to talk. I think giving them that space to listen has been amazing. It’s been noticeable. I think it’s had a really positive impact.”
Keep going
Even if you can’t do everything at once, there’s always some small way you can work toward achieving your outcome. Focus on the little steps just as much as the big steps, because eventually the little ones lead into big ones.
Keep these tips in mind in order to start making your conversations more meaningful. They say to move a mountain, it starts by first moving a rock. This can be the first step towards a culture where students and teachers feel empowered by one another.