When you lose someone to suicide, how can coaching help?

The world lost a celebrated dancer last week named Stephen “tWitch” Boss. The important conversation about mental health is yet again trending and is at the forefront of many people’s minds. Death by suicide causes ripples of grief that extend beyond immediate friends and family.

A handful of schools we work with have experienced similar circumstances – having lost students and staff members. We have personally felt the ripples.

These tragedies are not going to stop and we need to learn how to navigate them.

As coaches, during times like these, we turn to the skill of ‘Being With’. It puts compassion into action. It requires presence as well as acceptance of who the person is and what they are experiencing.

As the person you’re coaching thinks their thoughts and feels their feelings, applying the skill of Being With means that you resist the need to change their experience or move them in a new direction. You acknowledge and stay present to their spectrum of emotions. The more you do this, the more they are likely to honour their feelings, learn from them and move past them fully.

This is especially hard when someone is feeling a highly negative emotion. Often there’s an urge to ‘take on’ their emotion or push them away from its full expression. There’s no magical way to take away someone’s pain and suffering. The grief just needs space to breath. What’s important is that you stay with them, let their experience be what it is, and observe it’s shift as a result of asking really Effective Questions.

Here are several examples of Being With questions:

• What do you notice?

• What are you experiencing?

• Where are you now in your body or in your mind?

• What are you feeling right now?

• What do you notice in your body?

• What is that like?

• What do you notice about ‘___’?

• And what do you notice now?

• What do you feel about ‘___’?

• And what do you feel now?

• And now?

• And now?

Whether you’re coaching yourself or guiding a family member through this testing time, be with them fully. Coaching supports healing. 

If you are in need of help, you can find a list of the hotlines and support networks here.