What’s Getting in the Way?

A teacher we work with recently shared this story and we are passing it along for two reasons.

First, it shows the power of the Effective Question, What are you like when you are at your best? This is one question that we hear teachers using again and again, always to positive affect.

Secondly, it reminds us of the power of a lens—that it’s not just about what people do that stands in the way of them being their best self. Often, it’s how they see themselves or how they see the world.

Here’s the story he shared with us.

As with so many coaching success stories, this one ended up with my coachee adopting a simple and personal tactic to help him be his best self and live according to his own values more often.

My coachee was a very sporty fourteen-year-old who had a heart of gold but a habit of getting in trouble. He was starting to get a reputation and rather than having yet another disciplinary telling-off, we decided to try a coaching approach.

During our first coaching conversation, the student identified who he was when he was at his best and it turned out that he knew the type of behaviour which would get him into trouble, but kept doing it to try and be funny and fit in. Once he recognised what he really wanted to be known for (a hard-working athlete and leader), he was able to pinpoint what it was like when he was being that best version of himself. In that first conversation, he made a commitment. He chose a picture of himself which made him proud and made it the wallpaper for his mobile phone with the caption ‘I am…’ and his name.

Every time he opened his phone from then on, he was faced with the question of whether he was being his best self. As the year went on, we would check in often, and he would say to me “I am being me today” with pride.

This student reminded me that changing the lens, in conjunction with an exploration of personal values could make all the difference. And that perhaps discipline wasn’t necessary at all.