Resource: An Activity for Connected Families
For our readers in the UK, you know that we’ve just entered a new lockdown, and the news of this lockdown has heightened all of our anxieties. And even if you live in a country that isn’t shut down, right now is tense, the world over.
The night before lockdown, I was having a Last Supper with a few members of my bubble, and I asked everyone what their goals were for lockdown. Crafting, exercising, planning for Christmas were popular and unsurprising answers. But then I asked, What do you want this lockdown to feel like? And the answers were instantly more profound, the tone more vulnerable, and the connections deeper. One simple Effective Question—a building block of coaching—and we were suddenly more connected and supportive than before.
Another way to ask that question would be, How do you want to be in lockdown? How do we want to be as a family? How do we want to be as partners? How do I want to be as a parent? How do you want to be as my child?
This question, though simple, is the foundation of a tool that we call a Partnerships Agreement. Like many coaching tools, the power in this Partnership Agreement is in its flexibility.
Families are partnerships
Our Coaching Courses always begin with a Partnership Agreement.
Our Coaching Courses always begin with a Partnership Agreement.
Our Coaching Courses always begin with a Partnership Agreement.
Do you know the Golden Rule? Treat others as you wish to be treated. At Graydin, we think this is bologna. What if how I want to be treated is different than how you want to be treated? How can I assume that everyone wants to be treated the same way, or the same as I do? A Partnership Agreement does away with assumptions, and lets everyone clearly state how they want to be treated.
With a Partnership Agreement, you are designing your relationship. You are spelling out how you will ‘be’ with each other, and how your pair or group will communicate with each other. And you are jointly spelling out what you will do if the Agreement is not upheld. As a result, a Partnership Agreement fosters a mutually-beneficial relationship built on transparency, equality and accountability.
A partnership agreement:
Creates and sustains a safe environment for everyone to communicate openly.
Informs you how best to relate to the family members and vice versa.
Places responsibility on all parties to create and maintain a beneficial relationship.
Our co-founder Quinn and her husband Joe created a Partnership Agreement when they first moved in together, which still hangs in the bedroom, surrounded my photos, notes and other mementos. It is a reminder that they are both purposefully building their partnership everyday, and that they have committed to how they will ‘be’ with each other.
WhatsApp Image 2020-11-05 at 6.31.11 PM.jpeg
WhatsApp Image 2020-11-05 at 6.31.11 PM.jpeg
WhatsApp Image 2020-11-05 at 6.31.10 PM.jpeg
WhatsApp Image 2020-11-05 at 6.31.10 PM.jpeg
You are probably making informal Partnership Agreements with your family already. Our partner Kate and her husband, for example, created a Partnership Agreement when they purchased a car. This informal conversation responded to a new set of expectations, and established an agreement to how they wanted ‘be’ in this new context.
AN AGREEMENT FOR RIGHT NOW
Which brings us back to lockdown. We will be challenged by close quarters, a lack of activities, the sameness of everyday. But there is also potential in the simplicity—a microcosm free of distraction where your family will simply ‘be’.
If you created an agreement right now, you may ask questions like, How can we work through this as a family? How can we come out of lockdown feeling good and refreshed? What do I want to feel on the other end of lockdown? What do we need from each other to not want to kill each other?
And you may get answers like, I need space. When I go in my bedroom, I need an hour by myself. I’d like us to be connected, so let’s commit to a family game night every Saturday. I’d like us to be respectful, which means when I ask you to do something, I’d like you to listen. I value fun, so it’s important that we have lots of tickle fights.
Phsyical circle in Mogolia.png
Phsyical circle in Mogolia.png
A traditional Partnership Agreement begins with a circle drawn on a piece of paper, which is filled in with words as a conversation evolves. This is then signed by all involved. But a Partnership Agreement can also look like anything. It could be a painting that all family members create at once, and sign with a messy painty handprint. It could be a tower built out of popsicle sticks, each one with a word written on it, displayed on top of the fridge. It could be a mandala that you create and photograph at the park on an autumn day, writing words on leaves and arranging them in a pretty pattern. Could you bake a batch of cookies, where every ingredient is renamed with a value—a cup of love, an ounce of respect, a dash of laughter? When Quinn was working with children in Mongolia, they all stood in a circle, and everyone signed the agreement by raising their arms in the air. As long is contains the main elements—a free-flowing discussion, a list of agreed upon words and phrases and a physical thing to return to—it is a Partnership Agreement.
At its best, this activity can bring an entire family together, as equals, to intentionally build the home that uniquely supports each and everyone one of them. It serves as a reminder going forward, something to return to when relationships feel rocky. If that feels out of reach, this activity could just be a great way to have a conversation, to connect, and to create an open space for discussion.
how to use the Partnership Agreement Resource
A Partnership Agreement can be used in many contexts to create a safe environment in which open communication can take place.
To create a Partnership Agreement with your family, click the link below and we’ll send you our PDF. It includes instructions and a template. Read the instructions to understand the flow of the activity and the type of questions to ask. Then, make it your own. Feel free to get creative and create your own agreement activity by incorporating the interests of your family and children.
Download the partnership agreement resource
Partnership Agreement Activity
Name
*
First Name
Last Name
*
School or Organisation
Are you a...
School Leader
Teacher
Parent
Other
Thank you!. Check your email. The Partnership Agreement Activity is on its way to you.
Have you used this activity? Let us know how it went below in the Comments, or on Educators With Heart.
IN This POST...
The Anatomy is Graydin’s Foundational Coaching Course, designed to ignite new ways of being, communicating and leading in teachers, senior leaders and students.
LEARN MORE
Graydin is committed to protecting and respecting your privacy, and we’ll only use your personal information to administer your account and to provide the products and services you request. From time to time, we would like to contact you about our products and services, as well as other content that may be of interest to you. By clicking the button above, you consent to allow Graydin to store and process the personal information submitted above to provide you the content requested.