Families are partnerships.

Do you know the Golden Rule? Treat others as you wish to be treated. At Graydin, we think this is bologna. What if how I want to be treated is different than how you want to be treated? How can I assume that everyone wants to be treated the same way, or the same as I do?

A Partnership Agreement does away with assumptions, and lets everyone clearly state how they want to be treated. 

With a Partnership Agreement, you are designing your relationship. You are spelling out how you will ‘be’ with each other, and how your pair or group will communicate with each other. And you are jointly spelling out what you will do if the Agreement is not upheld. As a result, a Partnership Agreement fosters a mutually-beneficial relationship built on transparency, equality and accountability.

A PARTNERSHIP AGREEMENT 

• Creates and sustains a safe environment for everyone to communicate openly. 

• Informs you how best to relate to the family members and vice versa. 

• Places responsibility on all parties to create and maintain a beneficial relationship. 
  

Our co-founder Quinn and her husband Joe created a Partnership Agreement when they first moved in together, which still hangs in the bedroom, surrounded my photos, notes and other mementos. It is a reminder that they are both purposefully building their partnership everyday, and that they have committed to how they will ‘be’ with each other.

AN AGREEMENT FOR RIGHT NOW

If you created an agreement, you may ask questions like, How can we work through this challenging time as a family? How do we want to treat each other? What do we need from each other to not want to ‘kill’ each other?

A traditional Partnership Agreement begins with a circle drawn on a piece of paper, which is filled in with words as a conversation evolves. This is then signed by all involved. But a Partnership Agreement can also look like anything.

It could be a painting that all family members create at once, and sign with a messy painty handprint. It could be a tower built out of popsicle sticks, each one with a word written on it, displayed on top of the fridge. It could be a mandala that you create and photograph at the park on an autumn day, writing words on leaves and arranging them in a pretty pattern.

As long is contains the main elements—a free-flowing discussion, a list of agreed upon words and phrases and a physical thing to return to—it is a Partnership Agreement.  

At its best, this activity can bring an entire family or group together, as equals, to intentionally build the home that uniquely supports each and everyone one of them. It serves as a reminder going forward, something to return to when relationships feel rocky.

HOW TO USE THE PARTNERSHIP AGREEMENT ACTIVITY 

To create a Partnership Agreement, submit your name and email in the form below and we’ll send you the PDF. It includes instructions and a template. Read the instructions to understand the flow of the activity and the type of questions to ask. Then, make it your own. Feel free to get creative and create your own agreement activity by incorporating the interests of the individuals involved.