What’s Possible When You Embrace Emotion in Coaching
Recently, at a quite café near bustling Brighton Beach, one of our co-founders, McKenzie, listened closely as her friend shared a poignant story about her father’s wisdom.
Overwhelmed by the impending loss of her 18-year-old cat, the friend had found herself crying to her father, only to apologise for breaking down. Her father, ever patient, gently replied, "One more tear is one less tear."
As the friend recounted the moment, McKenzie felt the words resonate deeply and reflected: Is one more tear truly one less tear?
If we treat each tear as a gateway to uncovering and addressing what’s beneath the surface, we open the door to truly embracing our emotions as they arise. This becomes especially relevant during coaching conversations, particularly in the fast-paced environment of a school where emotions can easily be brushed aside.
Many new coaches worry about their impact, asking themselves questions like, “What if my questions make a student upset?” or “What if I open a can of worms?” Or even, “Could my coaching lead them into deeper emotional distress, like anxiety, depression or suicidal thoughts?”
It’s natural to have concerns, but they often come from a place of uncertainty. A common worry is that coaching feels too similar to counseling. However, there’s a key difference: while counselors and therapists focus on healing psychological wounds by addressing deep emotional issues, coaching is centered on self-awareness, clarity and personal growth. Coaching may feel therapeutic but not it’s not therapy. Coaches help individuals explore and manage their emotions with purpose.
And, let’s be honest, wouldn’t you want to know if something important was lying beneath the surface?
When tears fall, they don’t create more sadness, they release what’s already there—in a sense, they slowly let steam escape from a pressurised bottle. This gradual release ensures emotions don’t build up to the point of eruption, allowing the individual to safely explore their feelings without being overwhelmed.
Imagine how much safer and more comfortable we would feel in spaces where we could openly express our emotions, knowing that doing so helps alleviate suffering rather than intensifying it. Through the daily practice of coaching conversations, we help individuals take ownership of their emotions, fostering resilience and the ability to regulate their feelings. This approach allows for growth and a deeper sense of connection—not just to oneself but to others as well.
After all, we are emotional beings.
Next time you feel hesitant about tapping into someone’s emotions, keep this phrase at the front of your mind: one more tear is one less tear.
