Top Tips for Finding the Way In
Announcing the theme to our Coaching Day Autumn 2022: Finding the Way In. The name was inspired by one of our Certified Start With Heart facilitators, who shared with us that, prior to learning coaching skills, there were many moments where she felt ill-equipped to have conversations with her colleagues about important and often emotional wellbeing topics and issues. It wasn’t until after she learned coaching skills that she had the tools to confidently find her way into and through a conversation.
As coaches, how do we find the way in? How do we help someone articulate the help they need? How do we do our best to support and empower others faced with difficult challenges or intense emotions?
Here are a few top tips for finding the way in to support students, colleagues and parents alike.
LISTEN INTENTLY
As coaches, we manage our Me-Listening, and we oscillate between Micro and Macro-Listening in order to really hear what the other person is saying. Our natural tendency to be distracted means we often fall prey to thinking about the next thing we need to get done or how what is being expressed relates to us, instead of being full present. When we listen intently and with Genuine Curiosity, we choose how and where we focus our attention when listening—we are able to hear what is really going on for the other person, without distraction.
WELCOME EMOTION
As coaches, we don’t shy away from emotion; in fact, we welcome and explore it. We know from learning Graydin’s Start With Heart model that emotion is integral to growth and change. Feelings of anxiety, stress, overwhelm and self-doubt are a part of being human. Their presence does not mean we are broken or there is something wrong with us. Instead, it means we are human. Instead of shying away, we Meet the Person Where They Are and Trust the Process.
BELIEVE THE OTHER PERSON HAS THE ANSWERS
As coaches, we are mindful not to take on someone else’s issues, and we are careful not to fix or solve. When we believe that the other person has the answer (—one of the Three Truths of Coaching—), we no longer need to stress or worry about the fact that we don’t have a solution or the right advice. We learn that our role is to ask Effective Questions and not give advice; by doing so, we empower the other person to find their own solutions in their answers.
CHECK IN, REGULARLY
As coaches, we know that we are not the expert on the other person. How could we be? Instead of assuming we know what is best, we use the skill of Checking In to support the person we are helping articulate and clarify what they need in the moment. Maybe they need coaching. Maybe they need professional intervention. When we partner with the other person and pose questions, we can help them choose how they want to be supported.
