The Gifts of Attention
By Quinn Simpson
Time to think is a tremendously precious commodity in our fast-paced modern world. Consumed by haste, minutes slip away like sand through our fingers. We reach for our phones to check the time, and before we know it, we've fallen down a rabbit hole, just like Alice in Wonderland. Glued to our phones, we chase the next online distraction, even when knowing how much we’d benefit from immersing ourselves in nature or reading a paperback book. Though not everyone may relate to this experience, young people today are growing up in a world where boredom is a foreign concept, unless we deliberately carve out that essential time for them.
A must-read book was published earlier this month. The book is called Outrage Machine, penned by my dear friend, Tobias Rose Stockwell. He remarks on the profound influence technology has on our brains, the historical path that brought us here, and how we, as individual tech users, can shape the future of social media. When I first met Tobias, I was instantly captivated by his perception of the world. He was in my writing group when I lived in New York City, and I watched him piece this book together one cue card at a time. The result? One of the most powerful books I’ve ever read or listened to in my life. He has spent the last few years meticulously weaving together a work of art, and science for that matter, which has the power to transform our relationship with technology. That is, if you let it.
We can all absorb its wisdom. Attention is a gift—a valuable resource—that we continuously bestow upon the latest dance duo on TikTok or the newest way to eat cottage cheese on Instagram. Many of us are so entranced by these virtual worlds that we forget to look up, both literally and metaphorically. You need to read it.
At Graydin, we believe in the profound benefits that come with focused attention. Offering your undivided presence to someone goes beyond merely acknowledging their existence; it exemplifies their importance to you. When we engage in a coaching conversation, we remind the coachee of their true self, the journey that brought them here, and the courage to envision who they aspire to become. The power of coaching lies in its unique, individualised design. By inviting someone to contemplate and reflect, we empower them, setting in motion a chain reaction of deepened thinking and newfound opportunities.
So, what exactly are the benefits of giving someone your attention? They feel understood, motivated and ready to learn. Attentive listening allows for insightful problem-solving and building a supportive school community. Many of the teachers we work with remind us daily that coaching has changed the way they interact with their students and colleagues. They were thirsty for the power of presence and coaching empowers them to provide.
What I find even more powerful is that the need and benefits of attention are not limited to one-to-one conversations. As Carol R. Rodgers and Miriam B. Raider-Roth beautifully suggest, the key to creating a profound relationship with students lies in teachers' ability to “know and respond with intelligence and compassion to students and their learning”. They define this transformative engagement as "’presence - a state of alert awareness, receptivity, and connectedness to the mental, emotional, and physical workings of both the individual and the group in the context of their learning environments and the ability to respond with a considered and compassionate best next step. [They] hold that reflective teaching cannot be reduced to a series of behaviors or skills, but is a practice that demands presence.”
The act giving someone your attention, your presence, is a precious gift. It is meaning, in and of itself. Ask your student or child or colleague or partner to put down their phone, right now. Right now, offer them a chance to feel heard in an often echo-chamber filled world.